What are the major differences between happiness and sadness? In Israel, being on the road with my dad and listening to the Beatles while watching the carved-by-nature architecture of monotone desert landscapes pass by… that is happiness. Coming back to a city that is flooded with rain and being unable to find ginger that isn’t rotten for three days (I could spend days talking about the amount of determination it took for me to get it! and also how worth it making Gwyneth’s ginger-carrot dressing is!) and it really doesn’t matter because all I’m thinking is that the sky may permanently stay grey if it holds this face for too long. Well, is it sadness? I feel sad of course.. and I am the type of masochistic person that enjoys watching really depressing movies, reading heat-wrenching existential novels, and listening to King Krule when I’m sad. Maybe Santiago de Compostela and I were made from each other; We both don’t believe in just a light drizzle. If she is going to rain, she will pour. And if I’m going to wallow in sadness, I will make sure i drown. Anyway, it got me thinking about how much I take pleasure in being sad and how much it heightens my experiences of happiness. It’s why I like smoking weed or reading a book or daydreaming in ways that create a letdown of reality- it makes the bittersweet experience of living more real…and I would take that over some watered-down version any day.
I recently watched an interview with Louis C.K. and he expressed some fears that cell phones were numbing people so that rather than feel really good or bad, they just kind of always felt ok because they were distracted, they were always connected. I think he’s right and I guess my typing this out on a blog may seem contradictory, but there is something to be said about being comfortable with feeling alone. I’ve come up with far too many resolutions a few days too late (I had lots of time to kill in an Instanbul airport) and they range from studying greek mythology to exercising more to being more grateful. More than anything though, i want to make sure I continue to document how I feel for myself and to really listen to what I go through. I think it will make me stronger at being able to understand and really appreciate other people as well.